January 31, 2009

The Friendship Well

Everyone knows someone who spends a lot of time with a certain girl, but never really gets anywhere. Why? The answer is really simple really. They've put in a lot of time, but not enough. They haven't invested 100% mojo yet. Mojo is defined as a combination of the effort and will of the guy, and the happiness of the girl. Without 100% mojo investment, there is no 100% maximum return. Of course, a good looking guy would have an easier time achieving that 100% mojo, but each person has their own 100% to reach, at which point they get the maximum satisfaction from the girl.

However, due to the nature of the graph describing the relationship between the guy and girl, there exists a point on the graph at which the derivative is zero. This is usually located around the center of the graph, informally called "The Friendship Well." There has just been enough mojo invested by the guy to frustrate him, with almost no return, causing satisfaction to plummet. Guys that have invest around the "friend point" (The F Point, or FP) usually are very dissatisfied with their relationship.

A graph of [Mojo Invested] vs [Satisfaction] in percentages is depicted here.

Graph 1
%Mojo vs %Satisfaction

As can be seen, the area of the "friendship well" can be fairly large, easily comprising the 25th to 75th percentiles of Mojo Invested.

This point is very dangerous, as it is very well known through laboratory testing that the "friend point" is in fact an irregular essential point. A function describing the relationship between a guy and a girl, once reaching the "friend point," is known to be extremely difficult to leave the "friendship well", and must always return to the "friendship point."

The graph below is of [Time since friendship point] vs [Distance from friend point]

Graph 2
%Time after FP vs Distance away from FP (in percentage points)

As is evident, no matter how hard a guy can try to struggle out of the embrace of the friendship well, the moment he reaches the friendship point, there is no way of escape.

The reason for this is simple. Suppose that in the first graph.we position a ball at the beginning of the graph, at the top of the slope, at Mojo = 0. If the the ball is sent rolling down the slope, and fails to make it up the other slope, onto the "point of gratification," it must fall back, and eventually rest on the "friend point." From there, due to the nature of momentum, a very large outside force must be applied in order to push the ball over the other slope and onto the point of gratification (The G point, or GP).

The final result is, if the ball does not reach the point of gratifaction in time, it will fall back onto the friend point, at which it takes a large outside force to ever hope of giving it the momentum to reach the point of gratifaction, and will usually end in the ball forever languishing in the Well of Friendship.

So what outside force can a guy depend on to get the ball moving again? The only experimentally confirmed method with statistical significance is the "Naked Man" method. Tested to be effective two out of every three times guaranteed, it involves being invited to the place of the girl, and taking off all of ones clothes when the girl leaves the room. When the girl comes back, there will either be enough momentum to instantly push the ball to the point of gratification, or the ball will fall short, and roll backward and away from the G point.

So far the Naked Man has been the only proven way to have a chance of escaping the dreaded friend point. Of course, further research and analysis must be conducted.

2 comments:

  1. I have definitely experienced this in my life. I don't know how many times I have met a guy, become great friends and then he suddenly he becomes a total jerk! Some guys I know told me this is because guys never really want to be JUST your friend and so they get fed up with being stuck at the friendship point, as you put it.

    Why can't they just accept that it's not so bad to have some girls as your friends?

    While your naked trick is a great idea, I would also suggest some old-fashioned romance might work better. Making a reservation at a romantic restaurant (pay the bill, guys!) and showing up with fresh flowers would surely send just as clear a message as to the guy's desires for the relationship -- maybe after dinner, the naked trick might work.

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